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Test or Trial?

I’m currently participating  in a Bible study (with some fabulous faith-filled women) on the book of James and we’ve spent some time talking about tests and trials in our lives. We’ve all had them, big or small. I’ve started to question, is every trial a test? Do hardships come that are just that, a trial, a hardship, without a test tied to it? James begins with the words “when you have many kinds of trouble, you should be full of joy because you know that these troubles test your faith and this will give you patience”. Consider it all joy? I have struggled with that a LOT in the last 13 months. How could I ever consider this joy?? I just don’t. For the record, I still cry, every single day. It doesn’t matter that a year has gone by, the grief comes in like a wave and knocks me down. Getting back up when you’ve been pummeled by waves is pretty challenging when you’re tired, out of breath and soaked. Got the visual now?

And so I ponder, is this a trial I’m facing or a test? With each hardship, is God waiting to see if we’ll get back up and ready our stance for the next wave? Does it please God to know that I keep getting back up, wave after crashing wave? I think it does. As difficult as it is to consider this “joy”, I do have hope and my hope comes from my belief in God. I know I am a child of God, I am loved by God. He knows me inside and out. I know He’s got me. I do not believe God created our hardship.  He gave us all free will and as a result, mistakes happen, accidents happen. When those circumstances happen, God steps in as our great comforter, healer and provider. Perhaps that’s when the test begins. How are you going to manage this hardship in your life? I associate it with situations at work. Mistakes happen and when we do get over the hump, far enough to look back and reflect, was it all the blame and shame and fear and anger that got you through it or was it good leadership, knowledge, experience, perseverance?

I fully believe God allows circumstances to happen to refine us, to purify us. I can tell you I have grown closer to God having been broken down and re-built with a new perspective. How does one measure closeness to God? For me, it’s a relationship and like every healthy relationship, you need to spend time together, so part of how I know I’ve grown closer is in the time I spend with God. I’ve increased the time I’m in conversation with God, giving Him thanks and praise, praying for others, praying for us (Wyatt, Colton & I). I spend more time participating in the sacrament of mass, more time reading the Bible, listening to sermons, finding opportunities to serve others. My faith has reached others and that brings me closer to God too. My inner dialogue has changed and I find myself saying “His plan, not yours, Laura” over and over again as I relinquish control.

If God has chosen to test me with this trial, I’d say I’m probably at a C+, okay maybe a B-.  I know how to earn an A, it’s all right there in the Bible, but we are sinners and we sin over and over again. I bring all I do that is displeasing to God and ask forgiveness and He says, start over, tomorrow is a new day. I dwell on past sins and He says drop it already, we’ve been over this. I start over and I sin again; maybe it’s a judgmental thought or a curse word, maybe its envy that others aren’t facing a hardship like mine, or I lose my patience for no good reason. I do it over and over again, getting a little better over time, but every time, He says I’m worth the forgiveness He provides. Maybe we don’t have to have a trial to be tested. Maybe our lives are one big test but we get to retake it every time we fail. Like the lawyer that had to take the bar 3 or 4 times before he passed, God gives us a clean sheet of paper every day and says try again. Once you’re a lawyer or a doctor or a CPA, that’s it, you don’t print on your business card how many times it took you to get there, right?

I think what James meant when he said “consider it all joy” was all about attitude. How do you approach your hardships? Finding the joy or the blessing in a hardship isn’t going to come easy and it isn’t going to come fast. As James said “troubles will give you patience”. How I wish I had an answer, how desperately I want to see the blessing unfold as God sees it, like turning to the last page of the book to see how it ends without taking the time to read the story.  May the Lord help us to grow patient as we wait for our story to unfold.

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Who’s Soliciting Who?

I work from home, so now and again, a solicitor will ring the bell.  Often I tell the ones selling something there is ‘no soliciting’ in our neighborhood, but only after I’ve let them tell me what they are here for first.  Others may be out spreading the word for a particular cause or political outcome. Everyone needs to start some where and selling anything door to door has to be one of the more challenging occupations.

Today I listened and wasn’t particularly interested. I indicated my resources were directed to other charities right now. When I answered the door, she was reading the stone that sits on my front porch.  I pointed to the stone which says “Our family chain is broken and nothing seems the same, but as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.”  Somehow I found myself telling this person I’d lost my 11 year old son? Her cause had her out going door to door, passionate about saving animals. I’m passionate about saving souls.

Do you know I spent another 15 minutes talking to this stranger. She told me about how she’d lost hope when her mom died, how her boyfriend struggles to have hope, how they question God’s plan.  Only minutes after we’ve met, she was telling me about the cross she bears, asking me how I am managing with a heavier burden. I told her the Bible is my source of hope. She said “this is the reason I was sent out today, to hear what you have to say”. She teared up. This is not the conversation I was expecting to have when I opened the door, but God gives us lots of opportunities, huh?  I told her she could strengthen her hope too, through scripture.  God could come for us any minute; scripture prepares me for an eternity that is available to every one of us who chooses to believe. I don’t think this was a life-changing encounter, but I think she’ll open her Bible tonight.  One step closer to God.

When I think about being prepared, I look at my priorities; how am I spending my time and how does it contribute to securing my place in Heaven one day? The Bible says I just need to follow Jesus. To me, following means you not only believe he is who he says he is, but you choose to live according to his example.  This is why God sent him! Jesus obeyed the 10 commandments and lived a life free of sin. Yah, that’s the hard part. But get this, he died so we could sin, again and again, and still be forgiven.

Our situation has given me a perspective that many others may not have. You may tell yourself “life is short” but you’re still working like a dog and struggle to find quality time with family or friends you haven’t seen. “I’m so busy at work that I had to catch up on the weekend and then we had this thing and well, you know”. Sound familiar? We are all way too busy.

This weekend at our faith formation program, we talked about balance.  As we were discussing balance I was literally writing down the number of hours per week I work, hours I’m with family (not working), hours I contribute to growing my faith and other (the other category would include what we do for fun). This week I had a big fat zero in the fun part of my pie chart. Work soaked up 40 hours.  Side note, I wasted too much time putting in 12-14 hour days for too many years, 40 hours and no more. The faith portion of my pie chart was not as large as I’d like to see when visually displaying it for my own validation. I tallied up an hour a day spent in quiet prayer/reflection, an hour in adoration every Monday morning, mass Monday morning (20 min top) and Sunday morning mass. I’m constantly having conversation with God throughout the day, but am I balanced? Maybe it’s not about the hours.

Our group watched a video by Fr. Mike Schmitz. He talked about how we’ll never have this perfect “balance”.  It’s the tiny adjustments we make, like when you’re standing up in a canoe. We’re BALANCING.  My faith gives me hope and scripture better prepares me for the balancing act of this life and the glory of the next.  My faith may not get the most hours in my week, but it is my  #1 priority in life.   http://ascensionpresents.com/video/finding-balance-in-christian-life/

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Two in One

This morning I had a two-in-one kind of Orange Moment.

The woman we worked with at Chick Fil A, to establish a connection to the Chick Fil A foundation and Camp WinShape, e-mailed us last night indicating they had a whole baseball team of boys who qualify for Tristan’s scholarship to attend Camp WinShape this summer.  How amazing to be able to give this gift to them.

Minutes later, my sweet friend, neighbor & founder of Little Helpers of Atlanta, Tran Smith, emailed me a certificate from CWL (Children with Hair Loss). Her daughter, Ava, donated 10″ of her hair to Pay it Forward for Tristan. I love all the creative ways people are Paying it Forward.

Certificate of Appreciation
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Hello and Welcome to OrangeMoments.org

What is an Orange Moment?

An orange moment, for me, is something placed in my path, without explanation, that provides HOPE and reminds me of Tristan, my 11-year-old son, who went to Heaven on January 19, 2017. At first I called them “signs”. These signs became more meaningful to me when they involved something orange (Tristan’s favorite color). I started to call them “orange moments”.

Example: I attended a retreat in November 2017 and all the participants received a gift. Gifts were pre-packaged and all wrapped the same. All of us received a book, a bracelet, a pair of socks, etc. My bracelet had orange crosses. ORANGE! They were handed out randomly and since they were wrapped, no one would have known that the one placed in front of me would have been the one with an orange bracelet. There were only 2 bracelets with orange crosses that were made for that retreat and I received one of them.

Here’s to YOUR orange moments, may they lift you up and remind you that God is always near.