Forgiveness

This Sunday we read from the Gospel of Luke remembering Jesus’ teaching on getting into Heaven. This is a topic I am personally VERY interested in because I know THIS place is only temporary.  We spend a significant amount of time investing in our lives here on earth through relationships, school, careers, our home, retirement, etc, however, there is no better investment we can make in this life than our faith in God. Luke’s Gospel speaks of a very narrow door, one which Jesus stated many will not get through. Psst. . .The width of this door is a metaphor, God is not telling you to eat less carbs. Many will try to get in, EXPECT to get in, but He may say “sorry, not on the list”. Can you even imagine? The thought of getting through this life and hearing “and you are?” would terrify me. Read more about the path to Heaven here.

In addition to my faith, which confirms Jesus as the son of God, I also believe God forgives my sins. This is precisely why Jesus was sent to live out a life on earth as one of us. Jesus taught His chosen disciples about living for God’s kingdom, proved He was the son of God over and over again through miracles then died as a sacrifice, an atonement, for you and for me and then rose from the dead as He had told His disciples He would. Instead of sacrificing a lamb, as was the Hebrew tradition for forgiveness, HE was the sacrifice. It was His blood that was shed. He accepted the accusations and the wrongful punishment as a sacrifice to say we are worthy of God’s forgiveness. He died for OUR sins, not His; sins people had committed and sins to be committed. He died so we could be forgiven even though we deserve the worst.

When I refer to “sins”, I’m speaking to the original ten commandments God instructed His people to follow. Only ten. I strive and I struggle to follow all of them, every day. God knows we are all sinners. Thankfully, He doesn’t expect perfection, only love and adoration.

Here’s a refresher on Exodus 20:

1. You shall have no other Gods before me
2. You shall not make for yourselves an idol
3. You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God
4. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy
5. Honor your father and your mother
6. You shall not murder
7. You shall not commit adultery
8. You shall not steal
9. You shall not give false testimony (do not lie)
10. You shall not covet

I’m Catholic and my church keeps a card outside the confessional to help conduct an examination of conscience prior to confession. I keep one pinned to our bulletin board at home for frequent reminders. I like it because it presses further, relating these commandments to my every day life, asking questions like. . .

Did you use foul language?

Have you entertained feelings of envy?

Have you had lustful thoughts?

Have you put other areas of your life, like your job, above God?

Have you gossiped or harmed anyone emotionally?

When it comes to making it through the narrow door, there is only one shot, one judgement; eternal damnation or eternal paradise. I know which one I’m striving for.

God forgives me over and over again. I’ve come to be so thankful for the thousands of second chances He’s given me. His forgiveness strengthens my trust in His plan but there are times when I try to take the wheel, completely steering off track from God’s plan. When that happens, the devil steps in and starts to press my buttons, stirring up emotions. My faith in God tells me to let go and give Him the control, but that’s the thing about trusting in God, you have to LET HIM DRIVE.

Some time ago someone told me they knew my grief because they had experienced grief through the loss of a parent. I was so mad. I literally said in my head “Do people honestly think losing their mom or dad as an adult registers at the same level of pain that is accompanied with losing a child!? I’ve spent 2.5 years swimming in pain every single day! Are they still crouched down on the floor of the shower bawling their eyes out a few times a week over the loss of mom or dad years later? Do they think of the emptiness this life now represents, every day, multiple times a day? Are there days they would rather die than live because mom or dad is gone?” This glimpse into my mind is not how I feel at every moment, but it sure was how I felt in THAT moment. Oh, I was mad. My transparency in exposing my thoughts can be harsh, but it’s just a moment of weakness and I hope my brutal honesty can help someone else in my shoes realize they are not alone in those thoughts.  I’d completely steered off the road but God was like “I’ll be right here when you’re done ranting, Laura”.

Emotions have a way of ramping up if we let them and I let it roll. I even texted a friend in the same boat as me. She relates to my emotions 100% because she’s lived it. We know people just don’t get it, and how could they know this pain if they hadn’t lived it? Then I shared my emotions with my husband. I often think the Holy Spirit fills him with the right thing to say at the right time and that’s why I am so grateful to be married to such a faith-filled man. Wyatt reminded me, “They don’t know, Laura, all they know is what THEY have lived”.  I said, “So, why do people tell me they know what I’m going through!?” He said, “Laura, they are just trying to comfort, they don’t know, but, think about it . . . if we can sit here and ask God to forgive us for every sin we’ve done (big and small), don’t you think we should be as quick to forgive others for the small things?” Reality check, back on God’s path, Jesus at the wheel.

Here I was condemning someone when I should have let it go as quickly as I expect God to forgive & forget everything I’ve said throughout my life when my words may have been just as hurtful to others! Jesus asked God to forgive his executioners “for they know not what they do”.  What a wonderful lesson. I have to remember to quickly let go of anger when it creeps in. The more I focus on God’s word, serving God, worshiping Him, the less I allow the anger to control my path, but when it happens, I know God forgives this too. 

The Act of Contrition

My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong, and failing to do good. I have sinned against You whom I should love above ALL things. I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Our Savior, Jesus Christ, suffered and died for us. In His name, my God, have mercy. Amen