I read a prayer today from a God Tube email subscription delivered to my inbox daily. The prayer was for bad attitudes. It referred to James 1:2. This is where James tells Christians all the “stuff” in their life shouldn’t steal their joy. He asks them to “consider it all joy”. Let me tell you, that is the hardest thing to do. Consider this suffering joyful? No. It’s not.
The suffering isn’t joyful. This life feels like a prison sentence. Pain I will never escape. I feel like I could have handled anything but this. I could have handled a divorce, the loss of my job, cancer, a house fire, the death of my spouse even (no offense, Wyatt). For the record, he already knows this. We’ve both said it. Losing each other or losing a child?
The pain brings perception. I think this is what James was getting at. Find a way to seek out the joy.
When I’ve stepped into my time machine in my mind and I think, what if this never happened, I go back to a time when I was happy, but I also know I was a little, sometimes a lot, complacent with my faith. I think about the friendships I’ve developed in the last 19-1/2 months, how my faith has grown, my knowledge of scripture has increased and I am doing my best to live a life pleasing to God. There are days I know God looks at me and goes “mmmm, I don’t know, Laura, C+ today, let’s try better tomorrow”
Pain brings on my bad attitude. I’ve been snapping, like a wounded animal that growls at their owner. I’m angry. I’ve literally prayed for the Holy Spirit to shut my mouth, don’t let me say anything critical or insensitive. I’m so easily irritated. The Bible uses the word “weary” when you are just broken down. Psalm 6:3-8 says it perfectly, “Have pity on me, Lord, for I am weak, heal me, Lord. How long? In your mercy, rescue me, all night long tears drench my bed, my eyes are dimmed with sorrow” (paraphrased for emphasis)
My Bible study group is currently reading Killing Kryptonite by John Bevere. Thank you, God, for these women, my Sonflower Sisters. Fellowship with these women is true medicine for my soul and it douses the bad attitude the minute I’m with them. The first 3 chapters of the book have already been enlightening. I realized when I finished the first chapter I would be sharing this on my blog and plan to continue sharing my insights from the book here, so hang with me.
One of the first discussion questions in the book is “If you could live a life like Jesus, what habits would you change?” Boy, was that timely. Right as I’m taking note of MY bad attitude, I’m reading, what can you change to be closer to God? In my examination of conscience, I realize I have a long way to go starting with my bad attitude.
Here is what I wrote at the end of Chapter 1 (for the record I write and highlight and underline in books like I do my Bible):
Live like Jesus
- child-like faith / 100% trust no matter what
- never gossip or swear or use words that hurt feelings
- never eat or drink too much
- daily prayer time
- compassion for others, no matter their background/circumstances
- unconditional love
- ability to heal
- have peace
- be patient, slow to anger, respond with love
- humble
- honest, never lie
- resist temptation
Lofty list, huh? How amazing was Jesus though? I mean, C’MON, when you read that list, aren’t you like, this man was just beautiful. I just want to stand up and give Jesus a hug and say “Thank you so much for your example”.
So what does that have to do with kryptonite you may ask? As you know, kryptonite was Superman’s weakness. Kryptonite is anything that brings out our weaknesses and it can be contagious to others! John’s book says “Ask God to speak to you about your weakness and the reason for your weakness and then ask Him to free you from each one”.
I wrote in my book:
Need to control – my parents divorce, losing Tristan. If I can control the outcome of situations and plan for every possible scenario I’ll never be left again, I’ll never be disappointed, I’ll never be hurt again.
People pleaser – with a fear of someone leaving comes a fear of rejection. I just want to do anything and everything so you’ll like me. You’ll like the work I’ve done, you’ll appreciate the snacks or food I prepared, you’ll enjoy the time with me because I’ve made sure to accommodate your needs. You’ll validate me.
Truth is, God allows us to be hurt sometimes. He already knows how we will grow from it, how we can use it to help others in similar situations when we lean into His plan. And I don’t need anyone to like me because God already loves me and that trumps everybody else! I’m worthy because HE says I am. So, I’m chucking the bad attitude out the window.
Lord, free me from the shackles of a bad attitude. Work in my heart and mind to transform my thinking from negative to positive — despite the struggles I face. Fill me with a joy that can only come from You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.