Category: Uncategorized

Posted on

Summer in the South

I’ve been in the south for 15 years now and there are a few things about the south I’m just used to, like, ice storms that cause people to run to the grocery store to stock up on milk and bread, one syllable words that come out as two and completely different bugs, bugs we just didn’t have in Illinois. The weather, obviously, has been the best difference with our long spring/summer months and mild winters (despite the aforementioned ice storms). Today I had a first of encounters I had not yet experienced in the south.

I have been flying solo this week with Wyatt in Kansas for a project launch since last Wednesday and Colton away at WinShape camp since Sunday. Being without my landscape crew, I mean, my Schupbach men, I was tasked with mowing the lawn this week with a little weeding on the side. Neighbors literally slowed down as they drove by the other night, is that Laura, mowing? One person actually stopped, huge smile on his face and he mouthed

“That. Is. AWESOME!”

I gave him a thumbs down with a smirk and blew my hair out of my eyes and kept on trucking. One of the things that I’ve come to deal with and even expect at times, on a very infrequent basis when I’m out in the yard is. . . snakes. My sister is likely sitting with her shoulders shrugged up to her ears reading this right now. She cannot even stand to see a snake on t.v. On a few occasions, it’s just a harmless black snake, but honestly, I can count on one hand how many times I’ve even come across a black snake in the yard.

As I was cleaning off the back patio, I moved a propane tank for the grill and went back to the same spot and there was a baby copperhead I hadn’t noticed when I lifted the tank. Note to northerners, these suckers will latch on and not let go plus the mother is likely not far and you don’t want that. I’ve seen Wyatt take care of this type of situation, so I grabbed a shovel and mustered up the strength. I can do this. My first attempt was an epic fail and the snake was mad as heck, lifting its head, mouth wide open, full on battle-mode. Recognize, these guys are little, so hopefully you’re not picturing a viper with fangs.

Just yesterday I mowed right next to that spot and was weeding in tall grass in another part of the planting beds! These little guys, they tend to hide out. I had on jeans and socks & shoes so I was being smart, but he certainly surprised me. It got me thinking, how LONG had that snake been under there?

At times, my emotions can hide out in a dark place, much like the crevice under the tank, surprising an unsuspecting passerby. I had an emotional Sunday night after dropping Colton off at camp by my lonesome returning home to an empty house and Monday morning wasn’t any better after a nearly sleepless night. I was in a mood and I could feel myself getting frustrated at everything, mostly work. I was a little like that snake, ready to snap. I did get a little feisty with my boss that morning. He probably wanted to smack me with a shovel. Eventually I did have a breakdown.

In my emotional tantrum, I asked God (again) “Why? Wasn’t there another path for us? Is this really what you want? I can’t do this any more.” I know I am not physically suffering. I’m in good health (cholesterol numbers aside) living in our beautiful house with clean sheets and hot showers with plenty of food and clothing and a million things to be grateful for, but inside, I’m still waiting, desperately waiting for God to help me understand. How is this my life? Sometimes I just want to stay in my dark crevice of the world. I was tempted to crawl back into the bed. I kept having a conversation with God as if he was sitting right next to me.

I still get so mad. I ask “Why wouldn’t you let this happen to someone who really needs to have their life turned around?” I stopped and heard “Wow, Laura, do you really think you had it all figured out before this?” I didn’t. I still don’t, but I am closer in my relationship with God and I know that means everything for my eternity. I didn’t give that snake much of a chance after it lashed out at me. I am so thankful that God forgives me time and time again every time I lash out at Him, second guessing His motives, asking for an explanation, judging His plan to be less than perfect . His grace is so much more than what I deserve.

I receive it.

A friend recently gave me an orange bracelet that says HOPE and she said “I knew it was just perfect for you”. It is. Another precious orange moment that reminds me how lucky I was to be Tristan’s mom. Despite my emotional roller coaster rides and battles with serpents, I always, always rest in the arms of my Creator. He brightens the darkest places and lifts me up.

As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up.  John 3:14

Posted on

Into His Likeness

I’m reading a book called “Into His Likeness” by Edward Sri. I love reading books that bring awareness and this book has hit the nail on the head. I love to read, but like many of you that work full time or are busy home-schooling, volunteering, taking care of the laundry, cleaning the house, shopping for groceries, cooking, paying bills, etc, time slips away. Trying to catch up and read at night is a challenge for me because I get about a paragraph in and zzzzzzzz. I’d love for this to be the Cliff Notes for those of you that won’t have time to read this book.

Into His Likeness is about living out our lives as disciples of Christ. When Christ was here on earth, his disciples lived with him, ate with him, prayed with him and they would imitate how he lived, helping and serving others. I’ve learned that living like Christ is not easy. It has taken me over 40 years to battle bad habits that come out through my thoughts, words and actions. We are human and for as long as we’re on earth, we are sinners, but I’ve come to realize, I’m not expected to do this on my own. I’ve learned to rely on God in ALL circumstances.

Are you wondering how to rely on God and what that even means?

With me, it all starts with humility. When I stop myself from trying to be perfect, when I realize there is no way one human being could do all that I’m trying to do, I begin to humble myself and recognize, I can’t. I’m not physically or emotionally able, but I remind myself, with God, all things are possible. Matthew 19:26 The author relates being a follower of Christ to one of my favorite sports teams, the Chicago Cubs. I love this! Back when I was living in Chicago, we would refer to those that would give up on the Cubbies as “fair weathered fans”. The dedicated ones would continue to root, root, root for the Cubbies no matter the losses racked up year after year. A commitment to living a life like Jesus’ tells me to stick it out and remember, God’s plans are bigger than mine despite when I feel like I’m on a losing team. A fair-weathered fan of God’s son may choose to walk away, find someone else to root for or someTHING else. How easily we give up and walk away, refusing to believe there is a win in our future.

If you have felt a longing or a tugging at your heart for something different in this life, for a greater sense of purpose, that is your homing device! God has imprinted it on your heart and He has activated it. He is continually calling out to those that have taken a different path. And guess what, even if you left Team Jesus and started rooting for something else like your job, your finances, your relationships, your house, your car, your addiction, whatever it is, you are ALWAYS accepted back.

Are you only following the team that always wins and never has to suffer?

Do you give up the second life becomes challenging or throw in the towel the minute things aren’t going your way? I have, a million times.

I think many of us have said “I give up” after we worked our butts off and didn’t get the promotion, after we spent hours cleaning the house and the dog went running through with muddy feet, after we went back on a promise we made to our loved ones and settled with saying “I just don’t have the time” or fell back into old habits we’d tried to change.

My life for the last 797 days has been an uphill battle, often fighting the losses instead of waiting for the win.  I have stomped up and down like a 5 year old, pounded on the walls, screamed at the top of my lungs and cried a million or more tears and then . . . I put the jersey for Team Jesus back on and try again to surrender all to Him. This book reminds me that as a follower I am to be conformed to his image. Romans 8:29 Conformed means I’m EXPECTED to change and that I am not expected to be perfect not even after 40+ years in practice. Like the disciples who spent 3 years observing Jesus, they had to first learn and then try to live out what Jesus taught them. One thing that has helped me rely on God is to think of Peter. Here is one of Jesus’ closest disciples and he says to his face “I love you, I would NEVER deny you” and then look what he did when someone in the crowd recognized him. How quickly even Peter fell down on his commitment, failed at what he promised himself he would never do. He was forgiven.

Building my relationship with God and doing away with certain habits is much like a diet. Rarely can anyone succeed in giving up sugar, gluten, dairy AND red meat cold-turkey (pun intended). Change our lives to give up judgmental words, gossip, lust, greed, pride, jealousy, laziness, selfishness, all of it together, all at once? Would you go sign up to run a marathon tomorrow without training your body to endure 26 miles? I know I wouldn’t, I couldn’t. Even after all this time, I fall down, but Jesus picks me right back up and says “try again, you’re getting there”. I want to follow 100% but I am a work in process and God is not finished with me. I’m nowhere near the finish line of this race but as I surrender my control and rely on God through scripture, prayer, sermons, the Eurcharist, I know it helps God complete the work He has started in me.

This book talks about the disciples, not as models of perfection, but as models of a process. The disciples were not chosen because they were smarter or more talented than others. Not even close! They were afraid, they misunderstood, doubted, they had shame from their past lives, they made mistakes. What makes us any different? We’re not. We are JUST as much a part of a life-long process, a gradual conforming. If you look at your life, your mistakes, the times you have not done as well as you would have liked to, it’s all a part of the process. We observe, we learn, we begin to put into practice the improvements we commit to, we fail, we start again. We CAN become even more like Christ.

HOW!??

Pray and ask for God’s grace. God’s grace is the supernatural force that allows us to surrender to Him and through his power we become aware of our own faults, we learn to catch ourselves from making the same mistakes, we love another without criticizing their faults, we take a deep breath and find peace in a hurried moment, we find a way to be patient when we might have otherwise lost our cool, we offer our time to help others. Start by praying for God’s grace.

Edward Sri writes how Jesus explained that it is only by dying that we can find true life. “When we die to our self-centered interests, die to our pride, die to our desire for control, die to our lust, die to our own will, we actually discover a richer existence, a life lived for others and for God, a life of love”. Woo! So perfect for Lent. The author suggests multiple ways we can “die to self” which are great additions for the remainder of Lent: wake up a little earlier to have time for prayer, forgive someone who hurt you, hold back your temper, bear an annoying habit of your spouse (this one speaks to me personally), let others be the center of attention, refuse to let ourselves be frustrated or discouraged when something doesn’t go our way, stand up for an unpopular moral truth, praise others and humbly seek to be unnoticed. I’m only 1/2 way through the book so I can bet you’re not done hearing about it from me.

Conform to his likeness as the work in progress that you are.