My last post ended, well, abruptly. I was sitting in a hotel lobby and the team I was working with came down for breakfast so I quickly switched gears and joined them for our morning chat over lukewarm scrambled eggs & potatoes. I was thankful for the distraction that week although evenings were difficult. I’d keep the t.v. on until after I’d fallen asleep and then wake up sometime after midnight to turn it off.
My worst day was Saturday, January 19th. I kept telling myself, maybe I’ll wake up and I’ll be okay, but the calendar reminds you of where you were on that day. It reminds me of how long Tristan has been gone. Two years feels like an eternity, living in anguish every day, carrying on with a wound that will never heal and yet I am taken back to that week two years ago in the blink of an eye. Every moment of all of it still as fresh in my mind as if it happened yesterday.
This Christmas was our first here in Georgia. We were absolutely miserable last year and didn’t want to put ourselves through that again so we stayed and had family come to us then we flew out to California. The intent was to see the mighty sequoias, however, the government shutdown only allowed us to get so far into the park before we’d hit a gate telling us “sorry folks, parks closed”. There was no moose out front telling us, so we just took our chances. We still got some amazing pictures and the trip allowed us to see friends on the front and back end of our visit. We drove from L.A. to Santa Monica to Valencia to National Sequoia Forest to Yosemite Park (Fish Camp, CA). We spent a morning in Santa Monica and walked out on the pier before heading up to Valencia for my first trip to In and Out Burger! Along our way north we stayed in Visalia which was an adorable town and had beautiful walnut groves.
We stopped at Tunnel Rock in the National Sequoia Forest to snap a picture of Colton at the top and stopped again to sample the local’s brew at Three Rivers Brewing. As we headed for Yosemite temperatures dropped.
Taken from the car, this pic doesn’t do it justice.
We stayed at the somewhat secluded Tenaya Lodge with the biggest Christmas tree I’ve ever seen inside a hotel lobby. We took a 5 mile hike at about 20 degrees out to a waterfall and back before continuing our trip up and around the top end of the Sierras. I can’t even explain how amazing this drive was. Long and winding, but majestic. I pictured the master artist creating all of the mountains for us to enjoy for years and years. After just over 6 hours we made it to Mammoth Lakes, CA. It was ffffffffffrrrrrrreeeeeeezing at night in Mammoth (about 11 degrees) but they have a great village with lots of restaurants. Many had long wait times so we ate wherever we didn’t have to wait and and ended up at a Hawaiian bar & grill. Good enough, let’s eat! Wyatt & Colton enjoyed a full day of snow-boarding the next day while I went to the spa, sat by the fire reading and watched a movie.
New Years Eve was low key. I’d called a month in advance and thankfully got a dinner reservation, at 5:15 pm. Ha! The place was packed and the food was great and unbeknownst to me, the restaurant was a block from our hotel so we walked. We joined other hotel guests who had decided to order take-out and sit by the fire in the lobby. Wyatt & Colton played a game of pool and I think we were in bed by 9 pm. Wyatt & Colton were absolutely exhausted from snow-boarding, well, Wyatt was exhausted and a little sore. We figured, it’s midnight in Atlanta, so Happy New Year. Zzzzzzzzzz
We were up early New Years Day to head back down to L.A. and visited with Wyatt’s cousin and our friends in Huntington Beach. Another great town with tons of shopping and restaurants. I’d love to go back when it’s warm. We flew home on the 2nd. I wanted to be home for Tristan’s birthday on the 3rd. He would have been 13 years old. I’d have a teenager. That was a difficult day too. All of January just sucks. It’s not like the rest of the year is good though; I still cry, a lot, not every day but most days and I’m moody and easily frustrated. Thankfully I have the best husband in the world who gets it. Most days I just feel. . . . numb. Awake but not alive.
The book is taking longer than I’d expected. Every change goes back into the queue and I wait 3 weeks. I found an issue with the cover on the 2nd round of proofing so I’m waiting. I’ve been saying “coming soon” for a while now and I’d hoped to have it out before Christmas and then I just gave up on the deadline I’d only set for myself. So February? Maybe even March. March would make sense, they told me it could be up to a year when we started. #waiting