This weekend I walked out to head down to the lake and saw an orange butterfly near me, then another. I stopped to watch them both for a minute even putting my hand out just for a second or two to see if one of them might land and then a third showed up, then a fourth. All four, bright orange, beautiful. I don’t know what to think of it, I mean, I wonder, does God let souls who have passed visit us? Could they be angels? Or maybe just beautiful butterflies created by the master artist.
I often have experiences like this with birds. Last week I was working at the kitchen counter and for two days in a row I had feathered visitors. A bright red cardinal landed on the skinny ledge of my window pane, not the window sill, the inside of the window where there is barely 1/2″ of ledge and pecked on the window. I see cardinals all the time. This one stayed there for a bit; so unusual because I’ve NEVER seen a bird land there. The next day a woodpecker did the same thing, landing on the skinny little ledge, pecking on the window to get my attention. Again, maybe they just see their reflection in the window and it’s nothing, but I often wonder if the birds are angels watching over us.
There is a “bird story” in my book you’ll have to check out; one I have never been able to explain. Sidebar.. . . . . the book is in typesetting with my publisher now and I have ISBN numbers for both hard-cover and soft-cover. Once I approve the typesetting/page layout, we move into cover design, then marketing and production of samples, so I’d say Feb/Mar before we’re done.
I have a perspective of nature that I didn’t have before. It brings me to thoughts of God’s creation and I believe that is intentional. Nature reminds us of the amazing landscape God has created. He wants us to look at the trees and plants and animals and realize, it’s all been given to us. He has given us a copy of Heaven on earth to remind us of our real home.
I had been doing some research for a trip we are planning to take to California just after Christmas and began reading about the monarch butterflies that migrate to Pismo Beach, CA in the winter. They have this genetic homing device and go to the SAME place every winter. It is pretty fascinating when you think about it, but here’s what’s even more fascinating . . . no butterfly makes the round trip. Although the migration does extend the life of a butterfly from something like 6 weeks to 6 months, the females lay eggs and future generations complete the migration. I think I read 4 generations are involved in an annual cycle. So, it’s not like the elders are teaching the young ones “this is where we go and this is how we get there”; they haven’t been taught, they just know. How could anyone say there is not a creator when you look at everything around you? It’s all too perfect in its design.
I feel much like these butterflies that just know where HOME is. God has imprinted it on my soul and I continually say “there is something much bigger going on here”. Although every single day is filled with anguish, I hang onto the hope of going home one day, where my belief in Jesus grants me an eternal life, where I will be under His protection, I will see Tristan, I will no longer be in pain. I’ve always believed Jesus was my savior and the reason I could be forgiven for my sin with repentance and still go to Heaven. I didn’t always think about Heaven like this. Sometimes God allows things to happen to open our eyes, like a father that disciplines for the good of His children. I read in Galatians 2 “I have been crucified with Christ yet I live no longer”. I wrote in the margin “the old me is dead”. Before Tristan died, my focus was always on the future. . . moving my career up the ladder to make more money to retire early, always planning out our future, the boys’ future. Now I try to focus more on today because today could be the last day.
Do the butterflies know? Do they know that in all their preparation to migrate to a warmer climate to save themselves and extend their life that they will not make it back to wherever it is they came from? Maybe they know they aren’t coming back and the only goal is to make it through the trip. Persevere, do whatever it takes, but just get through it.
Every trial and every hardship is placed in front of you for a reason and there is a lesson learned in getting through. I know there is something bigger going on here. I know God has allowed this in our lives to prepare us and to prepare you for the trip HOME.
What has happened has changed us. Our faith is deeper, our belief is stronger, our ultimate goal is crystal clear. The pain we feel will never go away. 630 days of emotional turmoil. And if you think I’m okay because it’s been almost 2 years, I’m not. I still cry almost every day, six out of seven days mostly. No one sees the worst of it. Many don’t even ask how I’m doing any more. Life just keeps moving at the same pace for everyone else, but our days go by in slow motion, painstakingly slow, and so we wait, we wait to go home, but we live out whatever it is God has planned for us, finding purpose in our pain. Please don’t wait. Don’t wait for something bad to happen to change you. Seek out God, go to church to hear the word of God, read the Bible, PRAY, sin less, serve more. Let God inhabit all our moments, gracing us through our thoughts, word and actions with one another until we are home.