Yesterday was an orange moment kind of day.
I pause and take a deep breath and say thank you, God, for that kind of a day; one where I am not re-playing the awful circumstances that surround us despite how it never really leaves my peripheral vision. My week didn’t start out this way. I had a horrible Monday & Tuesday emotionally. Stupid time change, or is it the weather or perhaps hormones or maybe it’s just my life. I had my Wednesday afternoon visit from my “angel” who comes and listens to me dump it all out on my kitchen table; my prayer warrior saves the day again. Thank God by Thursday I felt better. I had a busy day at work and am always grateful for the healthy distraction work provides.
After holding out for nearly six weeks following 3 conversations with a literary agent about the book I’ve been writing all year, I did it, I sent it in last week and instead of waiting on pins and needles for a response I just relinquished control (not always easy for me) and said this is entirely in your hands, God. I knew I would hear something this week. Each time I’d begin to role play what the response might be, I would stop myself. It’s your will, Lord, not mine, whatever you think is best.
She called yesterday. They want to publish it!!! I was kind of in shock. As she began giving me all this positive feedback, I was waiting for the “but”. . .we love it, BUT it’s not the right fit. . . It’s great BUT are you sure your 3rd grader didn’t write it? Stop it, Laura. Why do we do that? Why do we let the voices in? I’m not crazy, you do it too, the negative self-talk. Word to the wise, it doesn’t come from God. In my Bible Study we talked about weeding out the voices that don’t matter (our own, the devil’s, judgement from others) and focusing on the one voice that DOES matter, God’s. I heard God’s daily reminder, I told you to trust me, Laura.
After our call, I hung up and sort of paced the room. I started to cry even though I was happy she said YES. It wasn’t a sad cry, it was a release, a they-like-me, they-really-like-me kind of cry. Her call was validation that someone outside the circle of my family & friends agrees that my story is worth sharing. I am seeing how easily things are falling into place with this blog and now the book and it’s obvious when God is in control, when we listen to HIS voice, the path becomes clear.
I opened my Bible this morning and checked how I am tracking against my two-year-reading-plan I started in February 2017. I’ve made little notes along the way, like when I was 3 months out, 6 months out, the one-year anniversary of losing Tristan. I noted trips we took, when my stepmom died, retreats I’ve attended. I went to this week “Year 2, Week 3” in my plan to note “Book” as a reminder of yesterday’s call and the scripture was Isaiah 40. I quickly flipped to it. The chapter is titled The promise of salvation. From the beginning of this experience, Wyatt & I said over and over again, we felt called to witness to others, to bring a message of HOPE to anyone that would listen. We talked about “filling the lifeboats” to let people know that our salvation, our eternity in Heaven is real. This was the catalyst for writing my book and here in black and white, on the day I got the call, God’s voice coming through the prophet Isaiah says “give comfort to my people”. Isaiah 40 ends with “they that hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar with eagles’ wings. They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint”. No coincidences, orange moment.